foothills

i heard the song meu canário yesterday and realized just how vulnerable i am to pretty songs like this. its an interesting song for me because i suddenly find myself in tulsa in a new world with new people who have already grown familiar with things and here i am. new to my home, new to my career, and once again climbing into a new place alone and unsure of how to react to most things. i have been fortunate as i have made great friends so quickly and one of my best friends from austin just moved into town. i spent the week of christmas in atlanta with my sister this year. she is a doctor and she was on call the whole week which thrilled me because i finally got to see her in action. she is good i love the clark kent to man in tights transition she makes it is gripping. we had great fun simply working on little tasks she had, listening to music, and laughing for little to no reason. christmas dinner was sushi and udon and it was delicious. she did not get called too often so the bulk of the time was chillacks and we even managed to meet good friends of ours for the most delectable vietnamese food i have ever salivated over. COM vietnamese grill. that would be nazias props and nobody elses. i miss my sister a lot and unfortunately somehow she and i have never managed to end up in the same city since we left high school in houston. while we talk all the time on the phone it just isnt the same as cooking beans and meeting friends together. i suppose this year i have felt more wrung out from such thoughts than others. too many hoops i guess to hop through in a small amount of time. leaving my friends in austin was extremely tough on me because i have the best friends in the universe and they constantly proved it. worse yet i knew i was moving to a place that in itself is not on the map for travel, so in a way it was saying bye to many of my friends for a while. travel is expensive and i suppose if you are making your dimes count tulsa does not come up on the lonely planet priority list. well unless you go to page 194 where it says “if passing through tulsa be sure to stop by and say hi to samir he misses you and is also still attempting to do handstands without success.” while i knew my work was going to rock the coconuts i did not know how it would be to enter into a conservative city smaller than austin. it wouldnt have mattered i guess if i was married and wrapped up in my own life, but single, n00b, and friendless, i felt like i was starting the same uphill climb again that was going to drain me of energy once again. it turns out i was partially right. its draining to make new friends, new habits, and new routines. and i have even started dating here, which i did so rarely in austin that it feels like hanging from monkey bars. i sucked at the monkey bars then and now, so i guess ive come full circle. the last six months have been more active than most of the time i spent in school collecting my second degree. on new years i hung out with alan and michelle. we played darts and monopoly and watched bad movies and ate QT pizza and it was great. alan pretty much called me out on any urban myths that needed clarification. in case youre wondering john amos yes AMOS not STAMOS is alive and well. i guess if i had been watching television for any time in the last four years that one would not have sneaked by me. still. taken in by john stamos, taken in by j amos. screwed in 09. already. im not one to make resolutions. they are stupid. words are beautiful but they can be shoveled out by the truckload and yet cause no real change in spite of their beauty. most of my changes were dropped into my tomato sauce months ago and the sauce is simmering right about now. so tomorrow a big thing for me is finally starting my stint volunteering for hospice. i havent explicitly volunteered since when i was a biochemistry student in austin. but the random compulsion to do so was very much the same then too i suppose. it took a really long time to work out the paperwork and references and test and background checks but finally tomorrow i will get to see patients and im quite excited albeit nervous. while my sister and mom have worked in healthcare for years now i am completely new to the setting and i have little to no personal experience in this arena. i dont think it will get in the way though, and if it does ill find out extremely quickly im sure. i have been to a few hockey games and seen pucks flying by at 932,000 miles an hour and now have a firm foothold from which to give you everything you need to decide whether to go to a hockey game. if you are on the front row, GO. if you are not on the front row, PASS. pretty much that simple. if you arent hearing a puck whizz by or hearing a guy grunt as he leaps into a wall to prevent another guy from tapping a cookie across the ice, then you damn sure cant hear the zamboni churning the ice into a nice solid floor to glide on. i mean, what the hell is left? ill tell you whats left. a totally pathetic attempt at stirring up a dram of patriotism from an unenthused crowd with crap renditions of the anthem. lame end of period theatrics that are like americas funniest (not funny at all) home videos. there are girls wearing impractical uniforms on the ice, dumb rodeo like games on tricycles, and extremely overpriced beer and brats. you can get all of that at my apartment so just come over here instead and pocket the ticket money. piu piu, piu piu it got cold again tonight. i like it cold here. at least right now. at some point im going to start biking to work and i want it to start during the cold. another stupid arbitrary decision i have made. ill make more im sure this year. stay tuned for them. i hope that this was not negative. ive tried very hard to be less of a sarcastic dick in tulsa. i mean i dont plan to be less hostile to stupid people so no slack on that front. if you say something fucking dumb and then ask me why im quiet its because im preserving the peace and letting my sarcastic disquietude speak for itself. the overall air will be placid and aloof which is what im shooting to attain at some point in my manic life. unfortunately though im going to leave things with a negativism. or at least a call to negativism in a dignified and tasteful fashion. this new year is different for me in that it marks the first year i have felt a palpable air of terribleness brewing in every aspect in my world. there is war there is depression there is class disparity there is recklessness wastefulness and worst of all there is callousness. there are things in the news right now in pretty much every country that should make you cry every hour on the hour. so stop fucking basting the turkey with happiness and pretending its your right to ignore all of that and pantomime your stupid traditions and keep getting wasted on your good fortune. make 2009 worth something more than dumb party hats and getting drunk on shit champagne. <3