foothills

i found myself moved to tears when reading about armenians and the turkish genocide. i dont know if it was post final vulnerability or what. its not like you forget about genocide once you learn about it. it could have been the hyperlinked nature of the information which meant i started reading about the jews and the sudanese and the bosnians and the tamils and you would think this list would end but it could go on for a lot longer. the strangest thing about emoting so violently for me is generally i believe that emoting violently is a sign of ignorance. when i feel like im getting pissed during an argument its either because im deficient in the pertinent information or because the person im arguing with is such an asshole that im about to break chopsticks and im dumb enough to indulge that persons argumentative state. usually the former. but certain things work me up in spite of my efforts. then again i get all crazy when i watch certain cosby shows. or listen to a particularly digital bleep blop melody by autechre. i think hearing about other peoples self sacrifice also shakes me up. i suppose i tend not to be driven by anything and knowing that other people are driven by things is unnerving and embarassing to me because frankly in the grand scheme of charity i am a dead end thus far. i think genocide is so fucking unholy and screwed up though that everytime i hear about it and read about it im going to get pretty messed up. maybe in some small way i will be able to do my part to make sure genocide is exterminated one day but thanks to an unhealthy dose of skepticism in my life i doubt that will ever happen. on a seperate note altogether im positive i need to make a trip to japan. and right after i make that trip i need to move into a shiny egg that rests atop a skyscraper and has a stretchy elevator made out of chain mail that you zip line down to get to the corner store where they sell paan and mirinda. if only i could effect such oneiric change. my cat seems to be able to effect change like that. i took a door off the frame and leaned it up against a wall for a couple hours and she jumped behind it and sat there apparently thinking it was an ultra modern ride. now thats happiness.